Punch Drunk Love
by poetryismyfirstlove
Summary: Canon-ish. Now that Team Seven is back together, celebrating and drinking was in order. After all Team Seven always did things their way and they never disappoint, celebrating and getting drunk off their asses was one of them. All three happened but not in the same order. They got drunk. Someone got punched. Then they fell in love.
1. Chapter 1

Now that the original Team Seven is reunited with 2 additional members from Team Kakashi, Yamato-taichou and Sai, and Kakashi was up to become Rokudame Hokage, Naruto was even more excited to throw a party.

The three of them were still 17 though they were adults now by ninja standards anyway. If they were allowed to kill then underage drinking shouldn't be a problem.

It was the eve of Kakashi's inauguration as Hokage. Team seven plus Sai and Yamato were gathered by Naruto for some celebration at Sakura's place. Truth was it was just an excuse to start drinking early and for some bonding time of course. After all, when Kakashi takes up the mantle he'd be too busy and who knows when they'll be ever to do this again?

As the night went on and sake was imbibed, more and more stories from their missions and travels in their youth (Lee and Gai would be happy to hear) were shared, even some stories about Kakashi and Yamato.

Kakashi had to excuse himself saying he better go or else he'll be late tomorrow and Tsunade would maim him. Tsunade was in a hurry to transfer responsibilities so she could relax and enjoy her sake all day. Yamato too had to leave as he had forest rehabilitation duties _cough_treeplanting_cough_ tomorrow and he still has to make Kakashi a desk where he could stash all his Ichaicha.

Naruto went on how he'll wear the hat someday. He admitted to himself that he still had much to learn and Kakashi could hold the position until he's ready. He'll be the Shichidaime for sure and have his face carved in the Hokage mountain. No one opposed as they all knew this would happen; there was no doubt about it.

Eventually their stories became nostalgic, about their time in the academy and when they first became Team Seven. Sai listened intently on their stories, curious as to how they forged the bonds they had and hoping he could have one as strong as theirs with them.

"Why are you frowning, Sai? Don't you understand something?" Sakura asked in concern.

"Yeah, you look constipated like teme here." Naruto seconded, to which Sasuke glared at him.

"I know you've taught me how bonds are important but I was just wondering how yours started when it seemed you were all different then and constantly annoyed with each other."

"I don't know how to explain it myself but I guess we tolerated each other and eventually grew on each other. And Sasuke and Naruto had almost the same circumstance when they were younger so they had an easier time understanding each other. I didn't really understand them then." Sakura explained.

'Yeah, you see Sasuke-teme even if he doesn't talk much, his actions speak for himself. They say the more you hate the more you love, that's why the bastard kept on trying to kill us." Naruto glared at Sasuke.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted back.

"Yeah, we love you too, bastard."

"But what exactly triggered your bond and what fortified it?" Sai continued to ask. "I also hope to have the same bonds with you."

"The fact that we were all forced to work as a team." Sasuke answered bluntly.

"Hey that's it! Maybe we should all do an activity together. We could repeat the bell test with Sai." Naruto suggested to which Sasuke just Hned.

"That's nice Sai but I think Sasuke and Naruto are closer because of that same experience they shared." Sakura said with a gleam of mischief in her eyes.

"What experience?" Sai asked, eager to know. "Maybe I should do it too with them."

Sakura laughed hard at this almost to tears. "I doubt they'd let you Sai."

"Why not?" Sai asked frowning.

"Because it was Sasuke-kun's and Naruto's first kiss." She let out, giggling.

"Sakura!" "Sakura-chan!" Both cried in unison.

"No wonder you're a lot nicer to me now, ugly."

"Have you boys forgotten already? I thought you never forget your first kiss." Sakura teased.

"It didn't count." Sasuke said.

"Yeah, it was an accident." Naruto argued.

"Then why are you both blushing?" She continued to tease them.

"It's from drinking." Sasuke said defensively.

"I think we better go home guys or we'll miss Kakashi-sensei's ceremony tomorrow. I can't wait to see his face on the Hokage mountain." Naruto told them abruptly.

"Yeah, I wonder what he'll look like. We'll finally find out after all this time." Sakura mused.

"I tried to draw several images of him sans mask if you like to see." Sai offered.

"I bet he has fish lips or warts on his nose." Naruto said.

"I doubt it. I think Kakashi-sensei is good-looking underneath that mask and is only hiding his face from fangirls. Maybe you should wear a mask, Sasuke-kun."

"Hn."

"Maybe he has crooked teeth or scars." Naruto supplied, thankful that the conversation was diverted.

They were still discussing what the mystery was beneath Kakashi's mask as they cleaned. The three boys finally departed after they were finished.

.

.

.

The whole of Konoha was in good spirits the next day when Kakashi was hailed Rokudaime Hokage even if everyone was a little disappointed when his face on the Hokage mountain was unveiled because he still had a mask on.

"He'll never show us his face won't he?" Naruto asked rhetorically.

"We could try and steal his mask instead of the bell." Sakura suggested off-handedly.

"Hn."

"You're a genius! Yeah, that would be our team-building exercise! Pranking the Hokage!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly.

"If you think this will bring us closer then I am up for it." Sai agreed.

"I don't think one more offense would make a difference." Sasuke smirked.

"But first we have to celebrate!" Naruto announced.

"Again?" Sasuke asked.

"Last night was the pre-celebration celebration. Today is the actual celebration and tomorrow we could do some post-celebration." Naruto answered him.

"That doesn't make sense." Sai commented.

"You're turning into shisou." Sakura spoke up. "I think I'm still a bit hung-over from yesterday. I could hardly recall what we all talked about last night. I'm tempted to purge the alcohol from my system but I'm still conserving chakra for emergencies at the hospital."

"I could recall them for you, ugly. We talked about bonds and Naruto and Sasuke kissing."

"Hey, what did Sai mean last night when you were nicer to him now?" Sasuke interjected.

"Sakura used to punch me a lot when I would call her ugly but she has become a lot nicer even helping me understand emotions and social situations. It happened the same way you and Naruto became close." Sai answered him.

"Sakura!" "Sakura-chan!" Sasuke and Naruto cried when they realized what he meant.

""Wh-what!? That was mouth-to-mouth resuscitation when Sai almost drowned." She answered defensively.

"But isn't a kiss when two lips meet? I read it in a book." Sai asked, confused.

"Sakura!" "Sakura-chan!" Sasuke and Naruto cried in unison.

"Sai, you're not helping!" She chided him. "Damn it guys! I'm a medic. It's my duty. I'd do it to you too and to others if the case calls for it."

"Ugly, I don't think that helped either."

She looked at her two overprotective teammates, Sasuke with his Sharingan on and Naruto in sage mode.

Her eyes widened in panic. "Run, Sai, run!" She ordered to which the pale nin complied, as she held Naruto and Sasuke back.

Afterwards, as she was healing the three idiots she called teammates, Sakura realized it had been a successful bonding experience after all.


	2. Chapter 2

They were 20, no longer teenagers but still idiots (according to Kakashi, Sakura begged to disagree) and still a bit immature at times when Sasuke returned home (because that's who they were to him not the where that mattered.)

And in Naruto's words: _It's time to celebrate! Dattebayo!_

And celebrate meant drinking, lots of it.

They were once again packed in Sakura's apartment: Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Sai. Yamato made an appearance, then Kakashi (even if it was just to ruffle the Uchiha's hair fondly to Sasuke's annoyance.)

It was a big relief to Kakashi that that no untoward incidents happened while his prodigal student wandered and that he stayed in touch through occasional letters.

The rest of rookie 9 even Lee and Tenten came for a bit to greet the Uchiha. They have warmed considerably to him mostly due to his efforts in the war and with Naruto and Sakura's influence.

When the night went on and they got considerably more inebriated, Naruto started on the drinking games.

"Hey, let's try a drinking game Pervy Sage taught me. It's called 'I never'."

"How do you play it dickless?" Sai asked, curious about it even if he was already halfway drunk. He was still eager to learn about social interactions and eager to strengthen his bonds with his teammates.

"You're supposed to state things you've never done before and if others have done it then they are to take a shot then so on until only one person remains standing or the others concede. Other players could ask to clarify when someone takes a shot if it was something they didn't know before. And no one is supposed to take the game seriously and fight." Naruto explained.

"What's the point of the game?" Sasuke asked boredly.

"You can see it both ways: either you drink less than everyone and show how you've never done anything in your life or you get pissed off drunk for having the most experience. Personally, I'd choose to be pissed off drunk. Besides this makes us learn more about each other." Naruto retorted.

"How do you know the other players won't lie?" Sakura asked.

"We'll just have to swear upon our honor as ninjas not to lie." Naruto stated firmly.

"But isn't it what ninjas supposed to do? To lie and cheat?" Sasuke countered.

"I've never believed that but in any case anyone who is caught cheating will drink two shots. The hang-over the next day is punishment enough." Naruto answered.

"I'll play anything once." Sai said. Sakura just shrugged her shoulders giving in and Sasuke looked at Naruto expectantly.

"Okay, I'll start. I've never become a nukenin." Naruto stated grinning.

All eyes were at Sasuke. "Hn." Sasuke said and took the shot.

Sakura was next hiding a grin. "I've never killed my master."

Sasuke glared at them and took another shot. "In my defense, he deserved it."

"Since we're obviously ganging up on Uchiha then it is best I get this out of the way, I've never killed my brother." Sai said with his fake smile.

"Fuck you." Sasuke said flashing his Sharingan but still took the shoot.

"I'm proud that you were able to hold your temper, teme." Naruto commented.

"I'm choosing to beat the life out of both of you when we get to spar." Sasuke threatened them.

"I thought you were done with being an avenger?" Naruto quipped.

"It's your turn, Sasuke-kun. Don't mind them." Sakura said.

"I've never been rejected asking someone out for a date." Sasuke said. "No offense, Sakura." He added as an afterthought.

"Harsh, but none taken. Anyway, that was ages ago." Sakura said and took a shot.

"As if you've ever asked anyone out." Naruto complained as he took a shot. "Well, I've never worn clothes that exposed any part of my trunk, chest and abs included."

Sakura, Sai and Sasuke took a shot.

"I've never worn hideous orange." Sakura said to which Naruto took a shot.

"I've never eaten more than one bowl of ramen." Sai said smiling fakely at Naruto who downed the shot.

"I've never failed a test." Sasuke said smirking.

"You're all ganging up on me now?" Naruto asked while he took the shot. "Well, I've never worn a purple gay ribbon on my ass."

Sakura and Sai laughed.

"It was the uniform in Sound." Sasuke gritted his teeth as he took the shot.

"But it was still gay."

"I've never kissed a guy." Sakura said with a mischievous smile.

"Sakura!" "Sakura-chan!"

"I thought we wouldn't be bringing that up ever again." Naruto said.

"What kind of teammate would I be if I let you forget?"

"A good one." Sasuke grumbled.

"Drink up, Naruto, Sasuke-kun."

"Because ugly said it didn't count, I've never kissed a girl."

Naruto and Sakura took a shot.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto was scandalized.

Sasuke's eyebrows rose up in question.

"It was just after passing my chunnin exams, Ino and I went to celebrate and she swiped some sake from her father. It was the first time we ever got drunk and we got to talking about boys and stuff. She said she was envious how Naruto stole Sasuke's first kiss and how Temari kissed Shikamaru. Chouji was too much like a brother and Neji was scary. She'd kiss Kiba but it would be like kissing Akamaru and Shino creeped her out. So she kissed me because we were friends and she could at least say that she did the whole experimentation thing." Sakura told them nonchalantly.

"What was it like?" Naruto leered.

Sakura blushed to the tips of her ears.

"That good huh!?" Naruto teased. "I wish I could have been there. Pervy Sage would have died to be there. "

Sai and Sasuke were blushing as well.

"I've never read Icha-icha." Sasuke said.

Naruto, Sai and Sakura, all took a shot to which Sasuke looked at them appalled waiting for an explanation.

"Pervy Sage made me read them."

"I was curious why Kakashi-sensei read it often."

"I read all types of books ."

The game went on for another hour or so, with some of the questions becoming more personal and some strategically aimed to make the target drink a lot, with Naruto and Sasuke having consumed the most alcohol but were still quite awake. Sai was almost out and Sakura was past tipsy. All in all they were pink in the face and close to getting wasted.

"I've never had sex." Sakura blurted.

Sai and Naruto downed a shot.

"Really?!" Sakura gasped aghast with the new information.

"Again, I trained under Pervy Sage who took his godfather duties seriously. He said it would make me a well-rounded apprentice. Technically I'm still a virgin. I used a kage bunshin."

"Hn."

"I don't remember much of it because they do it to new recruits and I didn't know better then, not until I read it in Icha-icha. But part of an agent's conditioning in ROOT to make them submissive was to have them sodomized."

"Oh, Sai." Sakura said softly.

Sasuke and Naruto paled.

"You don't have to worry about that happening again to anyone. I'll make sure ROOT is permanently disbanded." Naruto promised.

"I probably have to thank Uchiha for killing Danzo. For once your being an avenger had its use."

"You're welcome."

"So teme, are you saying you're still a virgin?" Naruto grinned. "I always thought that Orochimaru was a creeper for having a thing for you being obsessed with your body and all and that he may have tried some moves on you."

"Dobe! He only wanted me as a vessel." Sasuke shot back in anger.

"He really creeped me out too, pretending to be a girl and that tongue. Maybe he had Kabuto for that." Sakura added shivering at the thought.

"Gross mental image, Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined.

Sasuke and Sai looked like they were going to be sick.

"Anyway, there's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person to give yourself to when you're ready. It's something you can only give once and I've been saving myself for the person I love until marriage." Sakura said glancing covertly at Sasuke.

"Our traditions are very strict. Any Uchiha is prohibited from sexual relations until marriage to maintain the purity of the clan."

"So there won't be any bastards you mean?" Naruto asked.

"Yes and it is also a show of self-control for us and respect for our intended. I plan to follow tradition even if I'm the only one left. And even if we don't have that, I don't plan to sully myself needlessly. My body is for my wife only." Sasuke said staring at Sakura.

If it were possible to get redder, Sakura blushed further.

"I have never been in love." Sai mumbled just as his head hit the table completely knocked out, surprising them.

"Well, I guess Sai's out." Naruto said.

"I concede." Sakura said. "I'm dreading the hang-over tomorrow as it is. If I see another bottle of sake it will be too soon."

Naruto and Sasuke were staring at each other, sizing each other as to who'll concede first.

"Tch. I don't think I could drink any more either." Sasuke conceded.

"Aaah! Victory is sweet." Naruto said smugly.

"Enjoy it while it lasts dobe." Sasuke grumbled.

"Well, since you're so great and all. Be a dear and please take Sai home." Sakura ordered him.

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto whined as he carried Sai over his shoulder. "Hey teme, aren't you going to help me?"

"No. You go ahead. Someone has to help Sakura clean up."

"Okay, See you guys tomorrow."

If Naruto were any smarter or more observant or maybe if he were sober, he'd have figured out that the two wanted their time alone. He'd have known to be suspicious of Sasuke and Sakura.

But he wasn't.

And no one knew that Sasuke did not spend his first night back at his apartment or that he took a shot after Sai's last statement.

Except Sakura.


End file.
